Time moves in such strange ways now, all the days, weeks, and months, just blend together. Some days the urge to just see Lauren, or to hear her say even one word is so strong, I can hardly bear it.  For 17 years, one month and 19 days, I was blessed with a beautiful, loving daughter.

  I light a candle every day

  Hoping the pain will fade away.

But with the dawn of each new day

I realize you're still gone

May these candles burn forever

in your memory my precious child.

Dearest Mom

When you wonder
the meaning of life and love,
Know that I am with you
Close your eyes and feel me kissing you
in the gentle breeze across your cheek.

When you begin to doubt
that you shall ever see me again,
Quiet your mind and hear me,
I am in the whisper of the heavens,
Speaking of your love.

When you lose your identity,
When you question who you are,

Where you are going...
Open your heart and see me,
I am the twinkle of the stars
Smiling down upon you...
Lighting the path for your journey.

When you awaken each morning,
Not remembering your dreams
But feeling content and serene,
Know that I was with you,
Filling your nights with thoughts of me.

When you linger in the remnant pain,
Wholeness seeming so unfamiliar,
Think of me.
Know that I am with you
Touching you through the shared tears
Of a gentle friend easing the pain.

As the sunrise illuminates the desert sky,
As that breathtaking brilliance
awakens your spirit,
Think of our time together...
All too brief...but ever brilliant.

When you are certain of us together,
When you are certain of your destiny,
Know that God created that moment in time
Just for us.

I am with you always.

~Author Unknown~

Thank you for the beautiful graphic Edwina, mom of angel Troy Mitchell

I Still Feel Your Love
I know you’re gone from this earth
You left me way too soon
But I feel your love every time
I gaze up at the moon.
Sometimes I think I hear
A whisper in the wind
It sounds as if you’ve called my name
As your love to me you send.

Sometimes I do a silly thing
And your laughter fills my ears
I know you’re right here with me
But I can’t see you through my tears.
I felt your hand upon my shoulder
And I quickly turned to see
Visible... you were not
But I know you’re here with me.

In the night you sometime come
To visit in my dreams
My hands go out to touch you
But you’re just out of reach it seems.
For just a flash you appear
Standing close to me
Is it just my imagination
Or is it really you I see.
Even though you’re gone from me
And you watch me from above
I long for you everyday…
And I still feel your love.
~ Charlotte Anselmo ~

Thank you Irena Hill for the beautiful graphic

 We were a small family of three.  The happiest days of my life were my wedding day and the day Lauren was born.  I will remember both these days always and forever as well as my beloved daughter and husband who are together again.

You've stepped across to

heaven's shore

And we are but a breath behind,

Holding dear the truth that

All that bound us close on earth

Binds us still --

For love endures forever.......

(Author unknown)

 Oh how Lauren loved being with her father. She loved to help him outside, to watch and help him in the garden and to cut wood for the fireplace. He cut the wood small, it worked better in the fireplace, but also Lauren was able to help him carry the wood. I would stand at the window and watch the two of them, with such love and pride in my heart.  After her father passed away, she would smile and just be so proud when I told her how much she resembled her father - she loved the things he loved .  He was a terrific chef, and Lauren was very creative, loved cooking and baking.  He loved to read poetry and she loved to both write and read poetry. She loved the food he loved, ...and the list goes on. ..How does a child ever come to terms with the loss of a parent at such a young age?

This was the last picture of Lauren and I taken together. Thank you Irena Hill, nanny of precious Kayleigh Erceg.

Lauren wrote the following poem for me. What could be a more precious gift from a daughter to her mother than the following: 

Mama Bear
My best friend was always there for me when times got rough.
She was someone I could tell my secrets to and someone I could trust.
We shared our wishes, dreams, and fantasies,
We always liked the very same things.
We were together through laughter and together through tears.
For both of us, our friendship is so very dear.
When I needed help she was always there.
When I was upset, she always cared.
Sticking together through school years of hell,
I then knew that we were gonna be best friends always & forever.
Our friendship was like a fairy tale straight from a book.
Not a flaw anywhere, no matter where you looked,
the way a best friend should be forever and ever.
Our love so strong for one another
I'll always love my best friend, for she is my mother.
(©Lauren Pacenta 2005)

My mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I hear her crying late at night
when others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands upon the beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others...
A smile of disguise.
But through heaven's door
I see the tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her,
knows it is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom...
Through heaven's open door
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forevermore.

I know that doesn't help her
or eases the burden she bears.
If you get a chance, go and visit her...
and show her that you care.

For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels
My surviving mommy has
a broken heart
That time won't ever heal.
-Author Unknown

 Precious Memorials - Thank you Teri Drebit it is a beautiful graphic

A Message to my Daughter
We walked together, you and I
A Mother and her Daughter
We had Hopes and Dreams for tomorrow.....
But tomorrow didn't come.
We walked together you and I
We talked, we laughed we loved.
We shared so many happy times,
And for that I thank the Lord above.
We walked together, you and I
But only for a short time.
For all too soon it ended
Leaving pieces of a broken heart behind
And even though I miss you
More than words could ever say.
I thank God that I got to walk with you
Every precious moment of every day....
Thank you Irena Hill, it is truly a beautiful message.
http://kayleigh-erceg.memory-of.com

Thank you for the beautiful angel Dianne
Mom of ^i^ Nicholas White.

 Dear Lauren
If I could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true.
I'd pray to God with all my heart
for yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back.
I know because I've tried.
And neither will a million tears,
 I know because I've cried.
You left behind my broken heart, and happy memories too.
I never wanted memories though,
I only wanted you.
~Author Unknown~

Message from Heaven

I have not turned my back on you,
So there is no need to cry,
I am watching you from Heaven,
Just beyond the morning sky;
I have seen you almost fall apart,
When you could barely stand,
I asked the Lord to comfort you,
And I watched him take your hand.
He told me you were in more pain,
Than I could ever be,
He wiped his eyes and swallowed hard,
Then gave your hand to me;
Although you may not feel my touch;
Or see me by your side,
I've whispered that I love you,
While I wiped each tear you cried.
~Author Unknown~

Thank You for the beautiful poem LuAnn, mom of angel Bob Demartino

 Precious Memorials - Thank you Teri Drebit it is another beautiful graphic

Her Smile is in the Summer
Her grace is in the breeze
She did not leave, she is not gone
It's only we that grieve.

It doesn't take a special day
To bring you to our minds
A day without a thought of you
Is very hard to find.

No longer in our hearts to share
But in our hearts you're always there
The parting and the heartaches
No one can ever heal
But our memories for safekeeping
No one can ever steal.
~ unknown ~
(Thank you to the parents of Vanessa Borg)

 Forever in our hearts dear Lauren.....